I recently came across this TED talk that I want the world to see. It was recorded by a therapist who has ADHD and who had postpartum anxiety. I watched it right after leading a support group for moms with PMADs (perinatal mood and anxiety disorders). The moms in the group were depleted, overwhelmed with responsibilities, and consumed by feelings of failure. All I wanted to say to them was, "welcome to the club." To be clear, I'm no longer in their position, but I was for years, and every week I talk to moms who are in similarly dire straights.
Moms of young children in this country are hanging on by a thread. We simply cannot do it all without losing our minds. Even women with supportive partners are constantly asking how they'll manage to raise decent citizens, earn a paycheck, meet their own and their children's medical and healthcare needs, pick up groceries, attend parent-teacher conferences, do the laundry, etc. Until there's universal, affordable childcare and health insurance, until benefits like WIC and Medicaid aren't buried beneath mountains of red tape, conflicting information, and intimidating government employees, and until every state in the Union has a minimum wage of more than $7.25/hour, exhausted mothers will continue to show up for free online support groups in droves. They will continue to feel bewildered by their inability to decide which drink to select from the cooler at 7-Eleven. They will continue to self medicate with drugs and alcohol, live with abusive partners, and take their own lives. In her talk, KC Davis says, "care tasks are morally neutral. It's not about morality. It's about functionality." On the individual, micro level, I agree with her. However, when politicians and lawmakers vote in favor of supporting women and children in this country, they are, in effect, engaging in macro-level care tasks that are moral and functional. I for one, am at my least productive when I'm sleep deprived, anxious, or depressed.
Our system of western medicine is not preventive. We wait until we're sick and then we intervene. Maybe for the sake of consistency then, it's time to recognize that American mothers and their children are sick and require treatment. It's my belief that treatment needs to come in the form of not only free and low cost mental health supports, but wide-reaching, systemic policy reform.
In the meantime, here is some practical advice from KC Davis.
"You have to give yourself permission to do a little, to do it with shortcuts, to do it while breaking all of the rules, and to replace that inner voice that says 'I'm failing' with one that says 'I'm having a hard time right now, and people who are having a hard time deserve compassion.'"
For the full, 12 minute video: "How to Fold Laundry When You're Depressed"
